Welcome to my poetry page! My books, "Billy won't pass the parcel" and "My Pet is a Problem!" are currently available as e-books from Amazon.
It's great fun illustrating your own writing which enables me to add an extra layer of meaning
If you hit the facebook link here or my blog you can follow my poetic ramblings as they happen.
I have quite a few readings on Youtube now which might amuse you. I'll be recording more soon.
Here is a poem from my next book of poems entitled "Pets in a Pickle!"
(metaphorical pickle, not actual pickle although I'm sure small beasts
have, on occassion clambered into actual pickle
thus putting themselves in the metaphorical kind at the same time!)
Guinea Poo
Guinea pig, my guinea pig,
oh guinea tell me do,
how is it such a perfect shape
is made by guinea poo?
Most poos are soft and squishy
and random in their form,
but yours are perfect every time -
is that the guinea norm?
I cannot keep my poo as neat
however hard I try.
I always get in such a mess
I really wonder why?
But guinea pig, oh guinea pig
you have the perfect poo,
a nicely formed torpedo shape,
I wish I could be you!
And here is one of my favourites from "Billy won't pass the parcel"
concerning a regular trauma which I faced in infant school.
Frankfurter!
I cannot stand frankfurters,
They make me feel so sick.
I hate the way they flop about
And won't stay on a stick.
I really loathe frankfurters,
They're absolutely vile.
Their ghastly looking puckered ends
Can make me run a mile.
Oh Frank, don't feed me furters!
I cannot stand the stink.
They're not like ham - a horror story!
Squashy wet and pink!
A proper banger doesn't have
The texture of these nasties.
A decent butcher wouldn't sell them
(Not even in pasties!)
So if you plan to feed me them,
You know what you can do;
Just take your freaky sausages
And flush them down the loo!
Well, they may not be William Wordsworth but if you've
enjoyed my daft poetry there are 40 illlustrated pieces
of the same anarchic hue in "Billy won't pass the parcel".
Why not download a copy from the Amazon Kindle store?
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